CHANGE O PLANS

Here's a brief synopsis. I will no longer be going to INDIA. (what.. I know Let me explain) I have not had a peace about it ever since I took the job, but I wasn't able to place where that unease was coming from. I thought it might be fear, or missing Huntington, camp, family etc. However, the more I thought about it, I've left all that before and didn't experience this kind of anxiety. Two nights ago my community held an intervention for me. A close friend felt really convicted to tell me some things and I'm so glad he did. They basically were picking up that I was dreading going and called me out on that. They questioned my feelings, fears and intentions. At the end they made sure that I knew I didn't have to go, I still had an option. I don't really think I knew that and was borderline depressed about the whole thing. I think I play devils advocate with myself. Saying I am sad to leave, but God calls us away from things we love. But what I wasn't seeing was that he gives us a peace that passes understanding. A peace I didn't have about India. A peace that floods my body now that I am staying. My biggest fear about not going was disappointing the people I had committed to. That's not a reason to go. On some level that people pleaser in me took the job in the first place. Everything went down too quickly and then was asked to make the final decision in a span of 4 hours. It was quick.

I gave into lies from the enemy that said I was inadequate as a missions major living in Huntington IN, that I was living a life of comfort, I felt that this job was perfect and I would excel (which I believe is still true) and that would make me relevant as a person. However,that is not true. Huntington is my missions field right now and I am not to be ashamed of that. I am doing missions right here right now, I don't have to get a stamp in my passport to become legit. I am just sorry that is took a toll on the MIssion agency for me to figure this out...So this is where I am... right here ..same as always feeling good about it...

So where does this leave me? I will remain at my community house living with 4 wonderful girls. I will remain an active member of the 509. I will remain at Pathfinders. I will remain a part of my camp. However, I will not remain crippled with fear of doing what He has called me to do , I will live for his name and live to decrease so that HE may increase.


Final plug.. Continue to pray for Rosedale Mennonite MIssions as some jerk left them high and dry and are in need of a team leader for India.